An Unbounded Space of Joy - by Carolyn Lee

Part 2 - The New Life That Followed

The next day, Avatar Adi Da sat again. This time, there was no noticeable magnification of Light but just the vision of His Form, as tender and exposed as that of a baby lying in its crib.

I was shocked at His vulnerability. I could not comprehend the paradox. The previous day, I had seen His body as an appearance coalescing into Form out of pure Light. And now He was almost painfully present as a totally vulnerable human body, simply Radiating Love.

I felt unable, in that moment, to receive that intensity of Love — and immediately my life flashed before me, as happens (people say) at the moment of death. I saw everything unloving about my life from my earliest memories to that moment. I saw what I had done in all my relationships — with friends, family, lovers — that was all about my own satisfaction, my own agendas, the competitiveness, the anger, the heartlessness, the failure to be sensitive to anyone except myself.

The intensity of this reflection grew and grew, until I felt I would explode. I wanted to run from the room.

Then I looked at Avatar Adi Da. His eyes were half-closed in Bliss, and it was obvious to me that He "knew" everything about me. And He did not care how it looked. He was there to Draw me beyond all of it.

I knew that some profound, pre-verbal longing in my being had been boundlessly answered and satisfied — and that the rest of my life would be devoted to the Revelation that had just been given to me.

It was the undoubted Revelation of God, yes — but not the "Creator-God" of my childhood religion. The "God" that had been shown to me on these occasions was not apart, not separate, not a great "Parent."

That One was simply Light, the inseparable Source and Substance of everything. He was Bliss, Love, and Joy — humanly Present and yet Radiating from Infinity.