Nostalgia and Grace, by Carolyn Lee (page 13)

Resurrecting a Ghost

After a few more years enduring a burning sensation inside that I knew would not ease until I made a religious commitment, I decided to become a Roman Catholic. For many years I resisted this, but now I was humbled by my own need, more willing to surrender simply to the power of a mythology that I already loved and knew intimately through my studies.

This step bought great relief, and I gratefully gave myself up to discovering a relationship with Christ as the Beloved, such as had been confessed by Augustine, by Teresa of Avila, John of the Cross, and many great figures of the Christian tradition.

Gregorian Chant and the other sacred music of the Middle Ages, which I had been teaching for years, now became very personal to me. The choice I ad made felt like the fulfillment of the mysterious longing I had had as a child and a student, relative to Christianity. Now as I conducted a Gregorian Chant choir, directed liturgical dramas, and burrowed into the minutiae of early Christian ritual, I felt a measure of integrity and real religious inspiration that had been lacking before.