Adi Da Samraj

What Love Has Made of Death

The Story of Avatar Adi Da's
Instruction and Blessing
During the Illness and Death
of a Devotee

by Carolyn Lee


From my early childhood, I was puzzled and fearful about death. And so when my sister, Robyn, handed me Avatar Adi Da's autobiography The Knee Of Listening in 1984 and I read the Prologue, I was touched exactly in the place where I was seeking. Avatar Adi Da was speaking of the deathless Condition, and I intuitively felt that His words carried a complete Freedom and Authority:

Death is utterly acceptable to consciousness and life. There has been endless times of numberless deaths, but neither consciousness nor life has ceased to arise. The felt quality and cycle to death has not modified the fragility of flowers, even the flowers within the human body.

Therefore one's understanding of consciousness and life must be turned to That Utter Inclusive Truth, That Clarity and Wisdom, That Power and Untouchable Gracefulness, That One and Only Reality this evidence suggests.

One must cease to live in a superficial and divided way, seeking and demanding consciousness and life in the present apparent form, avoiding and resisting what appears to be the end of consciousness and life in death.

The Heart Is Real understanding. The Heart Is Real Consciousness and Real Life. The Heart Is What Merely and Only Is, but Which Is also Appearing In and Behind the conditions of mortal life and its death.

Therefore, it is said of old, the One That Is Is neither born nor come to death, not Alive merely as the limitation of form (itself), not Itself (or Entirely) Rendered in what appears, and yet It Is the Living One, than Which there Is no lesser other (and no Great or Greater Other), Appearing As all of this Play of changes, but Eternally One, Unchanging, and Free.

There Is Only the Constant Knowledge and Enjoyment of the Heart, moment to moment, through the instant of all conditions of appearance and disappearance. Of This I Am Perfectly Certain. I Am That.

Avatar Adi Da Samraj
Prologue to The Knee Of Listening

Carolyn LeeSo the first word of Avatar Adi Da's Teaching that I ever read was the word "death". His Address to human beings literally begins with death.

Over the past year, Beloved Adi Da's Self-Revelation of Reality became my living experience. This occurred in the process of the death of my sister, also a devotee of Avatar Adi Da Samraj. I found myself standing in a place where there is no consolation of any ordinary kind, but only the "Bright" Itself—tangibly felt and seen. By the Grace of Beloved Adi Da, I was able to go beyond the fear of death without needing to "believe in" anything at all—because the eternal nature of existence as Divine Light had become self-understanding, real Spiritual and bodily knowledge.

Robyn LeeWhen Robyn, three years younger than me, handed me The Knee of Listening she was already a devotee of Avatar Adi Da Samraj. She lived in Sydney, Australia, near where we had grown up, and she had two young sons. A psychotherapist by profession and also trained in holistic healing, she seemed to have a native talent for everything she did, from academic studies to gardening and flower arranging to the complexities of human relationships. She was an uncommonly sane and gifted person, always feeling and extending herself to others.

But I knew her at another depth, at the place of her passion for Truth. I trusted her at that level more than anyone alive. Therefore, when she spoke to me of her certainty of the unique Spiritual stature of Avatar Adi Da Samraj, I listened with great respect.

Within a couple of years, I also was His devotee, and my life was divided between Avatar Adi Da's Sanctuaries in California and Fiji. And so I saw very little of Robyn except on the occasions when she would come to one of the Sanctuaries for retreat. Nevertheless, my love-bond and psychic connection with her continued to deepen. In many ways, I felt like her twin. I was always moved by the steadiness of her devotion to Avatar Adi Da Samraj and by the beautiful gifts that she would send to Him over the years.

An Inexplicable Stroke of Fate

In May of 2000, Robyn was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer. She had suffered symptoms of the flu for months, and then, the morning after the 21st birthday party of her elder son, Keeva, she was alarmingly breathless. Nearly two liters of fluid were drained from her right lung, and the biopsy told the story. She had adenocarcinoma in the right lung, and no allopathic treatment was recommended but only attention to the quality of life for the remaining time she had. The prognosis was fourteen to fifteen months.

This news came entirely out of the blue, as Robyn had always paid attention to right diet and never smoked. She was forty-eight years old. It was one of those inexplicable strokes of fate. Robyn and her family, including myself, were devastated.

Avatar Adi Da Samraj was immediately told of the diagnosis, and one week later Robyn and her intimate partner arrived in California on retreat. At the time, Avatar Adi Da was Granting His Darshan (or sacred occasions of sitting with devotees) in a private residence in Los Angeles.

Adi Da Samraj Blessing Robyn LeeRobyn sat in the front row that first evening during the Darshan occasion, and so she was one of the first to approach Beloved Adi Da and offer a flower at His Feet.

When she rose to return to her seat, Beloved Adi Da motioned her to approach Him, and while Robyn knelt before Beloved Adi Da, her arms on His legs, He laid His hands on her heart and chest and throat and head. This was very unusual, for in a formal occasion of Darshan such as this, Avatar Adi Da hardly ever touches anyone physically.

After a few minutes of His Blessing Touch, Avatar Adi Da Samraj licked His right thumb and placed it on Robyn's forehead, at the ajna chakra, in an upward gesture of anointing—something I had seen Him do only in rare occasions of Spiritual Initiation. In the ecstasy and heartbreak of that moment, I felt that He had taken care of everything Spiritually, whatever was to happen with the disease in Robyn's body.

At the final Darshan occasion of Robyn's retreat two weeks later, Beloved Adi Da blew kisses to her as she left the room and sent a message that she should come back and see Him whenever possible. He had already inquired about natural healing regimes she was moved to adopt, and He asked to hear from her frequently.

next: A Crisis of Frustration

 • Pursuing the Hope of a Cure
 • Human Love Is Not Enough

conclusion: No Pain, Only Happiness

 • Release into the Light Above
 • The Bliss, the Sound, and the Light

return to home page: death & dying journal